Rude Dude Fiasco

2 05 2010

In my last blog you have born witness to a fine example of a male first trying to pick me up, quickly followed by behaviour that I can only describe as “unhinged”. I seem to have a habit of attracting men who don’t seem to understand what it means to possess qualities such as politeness, humilty or even common decency. They just hit on me in an unconventional, but immature way, and then stomp their foot and say harsh things when all I’ve said is “no, thank you”. I could have a boyfriend! I could be a lesbien! I could be about to pass out from a sudden onset of vertigo! Either way, why would you be so crass as to literally abuse the person who was so vulgar as to not fall in love with you at that very instant!?

You already know about the crazed elderly dancing generalissimo. But here are some stories that describe my tragic experiences with men, who I apparently attract.

About a week or two ago I joined a few friends for a drink over at the Fox in South Bank. I went with no intention of really drinking as I had been unwell was also driving. I was just standing at the bar with my friend Nami who said she was buying just one drink, to be nice. So I thought oh okay, why not, just one… (it’s in my nature)! Nami went ahead and ordered the drinks, during which I felt a slight *tap tap tap* on my shoulder. I turned, expecting to see a friend, and instead there was only a drunk dude with his back to me. I shrugged and turned back to Nami. Then a bit later I feel it again – tap tap tap. This time as I look over, I catch the guy next to me, trying to pretend it wasnt him. Weird. I just ignore it and carry on, thinking he is just trying to annoy me, but then he goes ahead and taps again, straight away, and this time I ask him what he wants. “What? I didnt do anything.” He says, in what he thinks is a very sincere tone. “How are you though, having a good night?”
“Fine thanks” I say. By now Nami has paid for all the drinks, and is just waiting on the last few to be made for our friends over at the table. “Can I get you a drink?” He slurs. To which I smile and shake my head. “No thanks, my friend has already got me one”. He then just stares at me, as if dumbfounded that I gave that response. But what else would I say? I was only allowed one drink, Nami had already purchased me said drink, and I had no intention of leading this guy on or stealing his money. He then goes ahead and says “So you’re saying No to me?” Shock horror. I felt awkward so kind of just said “I’m sorry, but she’s already bought me one, and I’m not having a big one” pointing to the drink Nami has just handed me. He then proceeds to bump into poor Nami, and then puts his arm around her shoulders and tries to start an awkward converstion with her also, then asks if she would like a drink, and before she can respond he asks me again, as if he somehow believes that by hitting on my friend my spiteful feminine nature will brew up and make me want his attention more. I just stare at him awkwardly, and his friend suddenly appears and yanks him away. “Sorry about my friend here, ladies” he says, “he thinks he’s the hottest man in the world”. We kind of chuckle, appeased by this apologetic newcomer, and I say “It’s no problem, just I dont want another drink, I’m driving and all. Sorry”. Guy number one then goes on to say “No actually I dont think you are sorry” in a very angry and bitter voice. I told him he was just being rude now, and turned my back to him. He spent the rest of the night meandering around drunkenly on his own. Cool, man.

Another time I was out at the RE with a group of friends, and I had also been driving so I didnt drink. I was very tired and I only went out in the first place because I had a big crush on this guy who was heading out too. Towards the end of the night, my friends are I were sitting in the corner, I was pretty sleepy by this time, and we all agreed that the group would head off together once everyone had finished those last few drinks. As I stood waiting, a boy approached me. “Hey, hows’ it going?” he says. I’m a little surprised someone has come up to me, I had been too busy attempting normal conversaton with the guy I fancied all night. “Hey” I respond. “Where are you from?” He asks. I wasn’t at all interested, but I wanted to at least be polite, after all we were leaving pretty soon, I could just make casual conversation, maybe exchange numbers if he proved to be sweet or something. Anyway I was so tired I made the lamest joke ever. “Oh not far away. Right here in fact.”
“Oh, you’re from Brisbane?”
“No, like literally, right here. On this spot” and I pointed down at the floor. I realised how stupid that sounded and thought well, maybe now he’ll think I’m lame and not want to talk to me. Instead he looked at me in a very angry and hurt way and replied “wow you didn’t have to be so sarcastic and rude to me. Thanks a lot!” I was like… WTF!? So I said to him “I wasn’t being rude I was just making a stupid joke! I’m from Mackay originally”. Now I was just thinking, Jesus, now I know I’m not interested because he’s already gotten whiny when I was just trying to be nice. He then proceeds to ask me if I want to go downstairs for a drink and a dance. That was the last thing I wanted to do. So I smiled and said thank you, but I was actually planning to head off with my friends soon, so wasn’t really the opportune time to go dancing. I thought maybe if he was keen he couldve stayed and chatted a bit longer and maybe asked me for my number. Instead he said “great, well, thanks for nothing” and walked off, sulkily.

The third and final story (but not the only story I couldve pulled out) is the worst. A couple of my friends were heading overseas so we decided to head out on the town to bid them farewell. This was to be a fun party to which they invited their new room mate at the last minute. I wasnt aware until later that they had aniticipated this person and I would hit it off. They were wrong. First time I tried to talk to him, out of politeness just to introduce myself, he said “Your friends are over there” and wandered off. I instantly thought he was a weirdo and didnt bother trying to talk to him again. We traveled into town by cab which I paid for, and told everyone to buy me one drink each and it should be around even. This guy bought me a drink, but he didnt hand it to me himself, he give it to our mutual friend to give me. Then he did it again. And again. I was drunk by this stage so didnt even realise it had been him buying me those drinks, as he (lets call him Mark) pretty much handed none of them to me. Eventually, a friend says to me “Mark thinks you’re really hot”. I was flattered and thought he must be super shy and thats why he didnt talk to me earlier. Then my friend says “You guys should hook up. He could be your next boyfriend. And then you could come visit us more often.” This was a little confronting as I was not looking for a boyfriend and it seemed  a bizarre way for my friend to get me to come visit when they could just invite me over any time. At this point Mark turns up and asks me if I want to dance. I dont really, I’m not even sure I am interested in him yet. But I remember the last incident when the guy got all sooky and say to myself  go on, give him a chance though next time I’d rather just sit and have a drink with a guy, I think I’ll follow my instincts. We’re down on the dancefloor and having mediocre conversation and I think to myself dont expect brilliant conversation. He’s shy, remember. We keep dancing, and he cant dance for shit. Don’t mind that he cant dance well, I mean, who can? So I’m feeling good, not being picky, trying to meet someone new, and then all of a sudden – hand on the boob. We’re talking inside the dress, people. I was like “whoa whoa whoaaa bucko, you havent even tried to kiss me yet! You’re not supposed to go straight for the boob grab!” To which, he cleverly responds – “ha, I like it” …. WTF!? Still, drunk as I was, I took his hand off my boob and we “attempted” the kiss. Terrible. Like, almost violently terrible. Now I realise nothing is working for me, and i think this guy’s a total douche. He keeps kissing at me. Still terrible. So Im like okay, I’m out. No deal. Anyway I stop hooking up with him and say I’m sick of dancing and we should see what our friends are up to, and get another drink. I get involved in chatter with others which means I dont have to be left alone with him anymore. Eventually I begin to feel a little ill from all the mixed drinks so I opt for a cab home. The delightful Mark decides to follow me into the cab (unfortunately we are headed for the same destination, as I left my car at my friends’ place, which also happens to be his place. Blerg!) He sits right up next to me and is feeling up my leg and trying to make me subject to his terrible kissing again. I tell him, sorry, no, nothing is going to happen between us. He kind of says “ahuh sure” but then doesnt stop. The cabbie seems to think its all very amusing. I tell him “Look, no, nothing is going to happen. You need to stop.” And then he says to me, and I quote, “I don’t wanna listen to your ethics!” He makes the cab stop at a petrol station near the house, making me walk back in heels, because he wanted to scoff a sausage roll and a couple of chocolate bars. Super charming. We get back to the house, and he recommences trying to seduce me with his manly manness. I tell him “Dude, seriously! Not gonna happen.”
He seems defeated, and actually asks me “well what are you going to tell your friends!?” in a somewhat threatening tone. Yes folks, he actually attempted to peer pressure me into having sex with him. Might I add he was 25 at the time.  What. The. What?! I tell him “I’ll say that I wasn’t interested in you”. What a fantastic night.

So here I remain, chronically unattached, because I am apparently too picky. So before anyone goes and tells me I need to be less of a snob, I would think again.  Because chivalry might be fleeting… romance, too much to expect. Hell, you dont have to be mature all the time, I enjoy a good fart joke too. But decency? Gotta have it. And if I’m at risk of ending up with someone like the guys in these awkward tales, well… quite frankly, I’d rather a horde of cats and a healthy dose of dementia, kthnx.

Bonneth Out.

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