Crazy Man

1 08 2010

There’s a crazy man who comes into my work sometimes around 7:30am. Whoever gets to do opens, which is often myself, gets to experience the woes of this bizarre creature. 

His craziness is not apparent at first. He shows up at the door, sometimes even walks in, and greets you. Had you not met him prior to this, you would assume he is just a regular customer. But once he gets talking, it begins to sink in just how truly nutters he is. Apart from his generally nonsensical manner, the other especially crazy element to his banter is that every visit he tells us the same thing. No matter who is at the counter, and no matter how many times he has met them before, he continues to go on about his son, the swim instructor; the fact that he was in the navy but couldn’t swim; how everyone calls him John Coffee on Mondays and JC on the weekend. Often after this last comment, he will make a frghtful noise that sounds like he’s trying to imitate a laugh, but his mouth doesnt open. The end result is a sort of buzzing sound that, along with his crazy eyes, is deeply disturbing.

On our first meeting I thought he might stab me if I didnt smile or respond. But now being familiar with his babbling about 5 times over, I tend to just smile but not look at him and pretend I’m busy when I’m really just playing Solitaire. Occasionally there’s a new addition to his story, and today it was a tale about why he laughs in his sleep, followed by the use of his arm sliding from his jacket in a bizarre attempt at a snake impersonation. Fortunately for me at that point the phone rang. On this phone is Larni, my manager who lives in the apartment just above the pool.

“Sorry – I have to answer the phone…(picks up hand set)… Thank you for calling Rackley’s Family Swim School, this is Bonnie”

He walks away.
“Hi. It’s just me. Saving you from the crazy man.”

Joy.

I think my favourite part about the crazy mans visits is watching him walk away. Not so much because its good that he’s finally left, and I’m stab wound free, but more so because I love watching the suckers passing by on their way to work that he approaches. They are not familiar with him so they politely stop to hear what he has to say.

I lol every time.

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